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Submitted: April 24th, 2014 Published: February 4th, 2015 DOI: 10.5772/59166
*Address all correspondence to: 1. IntroductionMillions of years have passed so far today since the appearance of mankind on earth, and people have been struggling quite a great deal in order to cope with life affairs for millions of years; yet, in today’s context, it was in 2000 BC that they were able to comprehend the requirement of being spouses and parents. The proceeding/behaviour to be together or get together as husband and wife has been referred to as “matrimonial action/wedding’’, and this established relationship is called “marriage’’ [1]. Family is expressed as a social league with vital characteristics within a limited extent, which is based on an emotional commitment within a framework of solidarity that cannot be transferred to others [2]. A complete family is a community consisting of a mother, a father and children with mutual love, respect, support/solidarity and the sense of belonging to each other. Such a family is the fundamental factor in the emotional, social and moral development of the child. In sum, a complete family is a natural environment where the child is socialized in the broadest sense [3]. It is seen that the point of view/perspective on the concept of family began to change in the twentieth century. This different point of view on family also caused the parenthood to be considered as something independent of marriage. It has been stated that the differentiation of the point of view on marriage and having children when compared to the past is associated with the developments in technology [4]. A family established by “two different individuals’’ also has the potential of conflict and discrepancy along with it as the natural consequence of being two different individuals. It is too optimistic to expect the two different individuals with various personality traits who were raised in different environments to be always in harmony for years, since a family which is an institution considered to be a harbour against the challenges of life may, itself, sometimes turn into a a stormy ocean and create problems instead of solving them, in which case the spouses end up with the decision to terminate their association and get divorced, which is, today, experienced more and more in increasing numbers [1]. Besides the fact that the widowed woman or man, following her/his spouse’s death, never confronts the various social and psychological negative consequences of having been divorced or widowed in this way within the society, she/he and her/his children even remember the deceased one with love and respect. The widowed spouse, when compared with a divorced one, can get married and start a family much more easily; thus, the child can regain a natural environment once again [3]. A child having an extramarital mother will never have had a complete family. Such being the case, the ability of the child to overcome the problems encountered as s/he grows up is dependent on the understanding/empathy the close environment around her/him will show towards her/his situation [3]. Different from the traditional families, parents in modern families focus all their financial and emotional sources along with all their attention and energy on raising children. For a woman, having a child becomes no more a conventionally inevitable role after marriage; instead, it becomes a period of personal decision/call and responsibility on the part of her. It is argued that the social changes, such as conceiving a child out of wedlock, or even the technological innovations like bearing a child through medium of sperm banks independent of the prospective father lead to a change in the point of view towards marriage and parenthood. It is now pointed out that a woman does not have a child just because she is married, and that having a child is not a marriage routine anymore but a decision independently made by the woman. Hence, it is also put forward that parenthood has lost its traditional relationship/ association with marriage. In the wake of such changes, it is also stated that the emotional value of the child, different from that of the traditional families, has increased even more. The most dramatic change of all the others within a family life throughout the twentieth century is said to have been the rapid increase in the divorce rate [4]. According to The National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), the divorce rate in the USA is 3.6 per 1.000 population. The divorce rate is the highest in the males and females aged between 20-24, while this rate is the lowest in those aged between 35-39. Almost half of the marriages end up with divorce. The divorce rates have been on the increase since the beginning of 20th century, and particulary since 1970s. According to Brown et al.’s report (2008), the proportion of the nuclear families has declined from 85% to 69% for the last 30 years. Now 3 out of 10 children are living in single-parent homes [5]. It is seen that there has also been a great increase in the divorce rate in Turkey in recent years. According to the data of the State Statistics Institute (SSI), the divorce rate, starting from the years 1990s, have been on the increase to a great extent. The number of the married couples getting divorced in 2011 increased at a rate of 1.3% in comparison to the previous year and reached 120.117. The rough divorce rate was 1.62 per 1.000 population in 2011. Still, the divorce rates in our country are seen to be quite lower than those in several European countries. However, it is thought that the divorce rates seen to have increased particularly in big cities in recent years have been remarkable, and for this reason, it is important that divorce and the effects of divorce on individuals and the society be analyzed [4]. There are, undoubtfully, a number of reasons for the rapid increase in divorce rates. There are also various and major consequences of divorces, among which, as the sociologists and academicians put forth, is the case of shaking the society to its foundations. The very reason that it is the phenomenon/case shaking the foundations of the society is that it primarily affects the children, along with which the relationships between children and their parents, and between the parents are generally affected from this phenomenon in a negative way [3]. The case of a divorce is a blow inflicted on the self-confidence and self-respect of both the female and the male. However terrible the marriage is, the emptiness/separation experienced in the wake of a divorce is a major problem to be overcome [1]. Divorce is not a process experienced only between spouses. Most of the couples who are divorced have children, as well; therefore, a divorce is also quite an important process for the child. It is pointed out that a divorce potentially brings with it a series of changes that may seriously affect the child. Here, the reason for using the term “potentially’’ is that divorce is not regarded as a process that will inevitably harm children [4]. The first step in this challenging process is to explain to the child what divorce means. Some parents find it unnecessary to inform their children about their intention of getting divorced, and the fact that the age of the child is younger confirms/justifies this behaviour. Whereas, nobody-whether they love their parents or not-never understand the reason why, when they wake up one morning, one of their parents disappears as if s/he never existed. No child deserves to be left to confront such a devastating behaviour. Such thoughtless behaviours or actions may lead to the fact that they make up/imagine things which are unreal in order to compensate the situation or make some sense out of this as well as reinforcing their sense of being rejected [1]. How to tell the child about the decision to get divorced:
Divorce is both a judicial and a psychological and social process. It is the life-style that may be traumatic for children and is unavoidable for some marriages [2]. When taken as a judicial concept, divorce, to put it simply, is the termination of a marriage contract [1]. In the light of the thought-provoking/challenging facts about the act of divorce and the increasing data suggesting that the children of divorced parents are at more risk than the others in terms of experiencing developmental and psychological problems, more and more couples are beginning to question whether it would be right to disperse/separate the family or not. Some of them, by putting aside their personal desires, consider continuing their marriage until their kids grow up and leave home. The research results have suggested that staying together merely for the sake of their children rarely works. Sometimes staying together for this reason becomes more harmful for the children of those keeping together than the children of those getting divorced due to discrepancy. The researches have revealed that the children who have witnessed various discrepancies/disagreements-from purposefully keeping still/silent or continuous noisy clamor to demonstrating physical violence-become more awkward and unbalanced than the children of those who got divorced. In short, sometimes the only way that seems to solve the problem could be to end the marriage [1]. Advertisement 2. The clinical characteristics of a divorce
In the process of a divorce, the situation reaches the stage of acceptance after having gone through the psychological reaction phases which are developed against a sense of loss witnessed in deadly-ill patients, such as denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, as defined by Elisabeth Kübler-Roos. The children also undergo similar stages as their parents do [7].
The researches carried out among children suggest that children do not accept the case of divorce; instead, they prefer a miserable marriage to a divorce [2]. The relationship of any child with her/his mother-father, in the first years of her/his life in particular, is of great importance. On the other hand, divorce is, doubtlessly, rather a challenging and stressful process for both children and their parents. Considering it from the child’s side, the child will no more be able to reach the two people equally s/he has been mostly dependent on up to that time, that is, her/his parents, and her/his world will split up in a sense. Divorce, besides the changes taking place in the relationship of the patients, is quite important in terms of the parental roles of the divorced couples. When we analyze divorce in terms of parents, we encounter several problems to be coped with, such as re-building a new life following the divorce, developing new ways of contact with both the ex-spouse and the children, and additionally, the financial hardships occurring in the life of the divorced mother and the changes in social relationships [4]. One of the psychological variables that may cause a risk for the divorce of parents is the life satisfaction. Life satisfaction comprises the cognitive aspect of the concept of subjective well-being used as a synonym with happiness in the field of positive psychology. Accordingly, the subjective well-being (SWB) has two dimensions as the emotional/affective dimension consisting of positive and negative emotions and the cognitive dimension known as life satisfaction. Life satisfaction is also the cognitive judgement and evaluations made by the individual regarding her/his life. The conducted studies suggest that as the positive relationships of the adolescents with their parents increase along with the increase in the positive attitudes of a mother-father, commitment to parents and the socio-economic level, so does the life satisfaction escalate with such aspects. Thus, the familial variables are the important determinants of an adolescent/pubescent life satisfaction, and the changes within the family structure, like divorce, may affect the children’s quality of life and the ways of perceiving their lives as is true for all the members of the family, as well [8]. It may be expected that the change in the life-style and circumstances also affect a child’s life satisfaction in a negative way. As a matter of fact, the limited number of studies analyzing the life satisfaction of the children with divorced and undivorced parents show that the life satisfaction and general well-being levels of the children coming from broken families are lower than those coming from complete families. To sum up, the separation or the divorce of a child’s parents causes a striking disadvantageousness due to the challenging life experiences brought to children’s lives in terms of both their psychological developments and life satisfaction [8]. Another point to be highlighted is the extreme tolerance the mother shows towards her child in order to compensate the separation with her/his father, which may pave the way for the development of different behavioural problems in the child. For this reason, the balance should be maintained well, and the children should not be allowed to experience such borderline problems. In the wake of separation or divorce, the parents should not speak out against each other, nor should they reflect any problem they may be having with each other on the child. Such is the case commonly seen in divorced families, which may bring major problems with it. The child should also be allowed to see her/his parent living away from her/him frequently (unless there is some problem) and thus, the communication between the child and the other parent should be sustained [1]. Following the divorce, the relationship of the child with both of her/his parents will differ as compared to that in the past. After the divorce, the child will start living with this single parent, which is usually the mother in such cases. Therefore, major changes take place in the relationship between the child and the father who has left home after divorce. These major changes occurring in the child’s and the parents’ lives in the wake of the divorce are seen in a number of areas, such as the frequency of the meetings with both the parent living together with the child and the other parent living away, and the parents’ responsibilities towards their child(ren) as well as fulfilling the tasks regarding them. Thus, it is required that both the mother and the father, after having been divorced, adapt to the new circumstances while maintaining their relationship with their children and re-structure this relationship for their new life-style [4]. Many children but the little ones know what divorce means due to the fact that the termination of marriages today is a commonly-seen incident. If there is tension and unhappiness within a family, it is greatly likely that the children within that family circle become aware of the fact that something is going wrong. Within the families where fightings, particularly the physical violence and alcoholism are often seen, the children learn to read the psychological states of their parents without any awareness. They can find the best time to approach an angry or an unhappy parent by starting from various details. In the same way, they know when to get away from the clamour. Even knowing something more or less about divorce and witnessing the continuous fight between their mother and father do not prepare most of the children to the news that her/his parents are separating ways or getting divorced. Once the incident breaks out-which often happens with one of the parents leaving home-the child literally gets shocked. If the child has been kept away from her/his parents fights up to that time, s/he even experiences a greater shock. Drifting away from a parent, even if it may be an abusive one, horrifies a child. It is natural for a child to miss the parent who left the family. The separation of the parent does not annihilate the children’s sense of commitment [1]. The best time to explain the case of divorce to children should be at least one week before the day when one of the spouses will leave home, since the children will have quite a lot of questions and worries preoccupying their mind once they have got the news [1]. Divorce may occur as a major transformation in a child’s life. If, for instance, the child has a chronic disease, the divorce in question poses an extra load/burden on the stress experienced in struggling with the disease. Witnessing the loss of love between parents, the abandonment of matrimonial obligations by parents, getting used to travelling between two different homes and the feeling of daily absence of a parent while living with the other one all cause new familial circumstances for the child. Divorce is a turning point in a child’s life, since the ongoing life has changed to a considerable extent [5]. Brown et al. (2008) assume that 20-30% of the children and adolescents in the USA suffer from chronic diseases. The parents of the children with severe or chronic diseases may confront a higher risk of divorce. The data regarding the effect of the diagnosis of a child with a chronic disease on the marriage relationship are inadequate. As the result of the research, the reasons supporting a negative impact involve the communication problems, increased role tension, decreased relationship satisfaction and spending less time with a parent [5]. Syse et al. (2010) did not find any difference in the divorce rates between the couples who had a child with cancer and those who had a child with no cancer. They found out that when the educational levels of the mothers having children with cancer were higher than the average, the divorce rates in those parents proved to be higher, as well [5]. The age of the child, the gender, parental attitudes, educational status of parents, the socio-economic level of the family, the parents’ professions, the number of sisters-brothers and the success status of the child are the factors affecting anxiety. The situations causing anxiety/worry in little children pave the way for the psychological reactions in the advanced ages. The ongoing disputes/conflicts between the separated parents even after the divorce may give rise to the occurrence of anxiety in the child. Anxiety may manifest itself in children in the form of different reactions. Some children withdraw in order to avoid any worrying situation and abstain from joining any groups of their peers, while others develop defense mechanisms, such as retreat, rejection, repression and projection [2]. Advertisement 3. The adaptation of children after divorce can be analyzed in 2 stages
The vulnerability that a divorce creates on the child is associated with, particularly, age, gender, the stress level experienced within the family in the divorce process and whether the parental functions are sufficiently fulfilled or not [9]. It was reported that the most important factor regarding the child’s adaptation to this new state was his/her age at the time of divorce. Children, either at very young ages or in late adolescence, are influenced less by the long-term negative effects of divorce when compared with the other periods of age [9]. The children of the divorced parents experience a much more challenging process during adolescence when several developmental changes are being experienced, such as acquiring a social, sexual and occupational identity, having the capacity of getting independent, acquiring competence and being able to establish close relationships. It is reported that in comparison to the adolescents in the undivorced families, the risk of getting expelled from school, antenuptial conception and exhibiting antisocial actions increased 2-3 times more in those with the divorced parents [10]. The comparative studies conducted on the matter suggest that the children with divorced or separated parents, compared to those living with their families, develop a distrustful way of commitment towards their parents, and that their tendency to exhibit instant rage, constant rage, self-accusation, desperateness, depression and the tendency to commit suicide is higher than the others. The social adaptation, self-esteem and psychological resilience levels of those with divorced parents were found to be lower [8]. While some research results suggest that boys are much more influenced by a divorce when compared to girls, other research results show that this is just the other way round. In the study conducted by Aslıhan (1998) with a group of children belonging to broken and complete families, it was determined that male students had a higher level of anxiety in comparison to female ones. A significant difference was determined between the levels of anxiety in terms of the genders of children whose parents were not divorced. No significant difference was ascertained between the self-esteem levels in terms of the anxiety level ages of the children with divorced/separated parents [2]. As is seen, it is impossible to make generalizations as to how the act of divorce influences children, since each divorce case is indeed a unique, complex and multi-faceted event. However, despite all, the psychologists and academicians claim that several generalizations can be made as to how a divorce may affect a child by considering her/his age at the time of divorce [3]. Advertisement 4. Reactions to divorce that are unique to age4.1. Between birth-age one (age of confidence/trust)
4.1.1. What do they need?
Thus, for instance, it is argued that a nurseling does not suffer much from a divorce. The reason for this is considered as the inability of the nurseling to understand the dispute between parents, and besides being incapable of taking sides, s/he is usually left to her/his mother’s care [3]. The thought that the babies in their infancy will be least influenced by a divorce with the assumption that s/he is yet unaware of many things is wrong. In the babies at these ages were prominent changes in behaviours observed after divorce. The most striking ones were crying and crying jags, sleep disorders and malnutrition, and the loss of interest in toys. Hence, even at this age group, the couples getting separated after a divorce should do a good planning to share their responsibilities for the baby and come together with him/her. In the meantime, they should never attempt to fight or argue in front of the baby [12]. 4.2. Between the ages of one-three (the world revolves around them)
4.2.1. What do they need?
4.3. Between the ages of three-five (age of curiosity)
The preschoolers may be seen as those who are most intensely influenced by a divorce. The kids of these ages consider themselves as the focus of attention in life and thus, within their family circle. This notion prompts them to the feeling of guilt, with the presumption that they are responsible for a possible divorce. With the child’s mind, they may tussle with the ideas like “mum and dad are fighting because I do not behave well, and they got separated because of me…’’. Ultimately, the most commonly seen problems emerge once again, such as wetting the bed, thumbsucking, finding the shelved and already-worn out teddy bear to sleep together with. Such behaviours reveal the extent to which the child is tormented with the insecure, defenseless feelings of neediness [12]. 4.3.1. What do they need?
In this age and during the time until preschool period, if the child has been left under the negative impact of the main divorce in particular, the negative behaviours to be observed in the child are fear, stubbornness, sleep disorders, poor feeding, bed wetting, stuttering, etc. [3]. 4.4. Between the ages of six-eight (age of sparse teeth)
No matter how understanding they may seem towards the reasons for the divorce explained to them, the kids at this age, in fact, subside into the intense feeling of loss for the matter involved. Nevertheless, the kids at this age, contrary to the little ones, do not take the blame on themselves but put it on their parents. They feel rage against their elders, get disappointed and consider themselves rejected. From time to time, with the notion that they have to take sides, either that of the father or the mother, they may exhibit behaviours like bearing a grudge against the other parent. Almost all of them have trouble at school after the divorce, and their success at school declines, as well [12]. 4.4.1. What do they need?
It is best to explain to the kids at this age the reasons for the divorce without any lies in it. They should be treated like an adult rather than like a child. Separately, since many children tend to hide this family issue from their friends and teachers, their teachers must definitely be informed about the issue, at least, in order to avoid the problems that may occur at school [12]. 4.5. Between the ages of nine-twelve (age of success)
For all that, a child is influenced by the divorce during the school age at most. S/he has begun to understand the discrepancy between her/his mother and father and to take sides between them already. The divorce results in losing her/his trust/confidence in her/his father or mother, or both [3]. 4.6. Between the ages of thirteen-eighteen (the age of enraged hormones)
The adolescents who are affected by the divorce at most are those who cannot find a peaceful home in their new lives. If there was an uncomfortable environment prior to the divorce which may have psychologically shocked the adolescent, then the impact of divorce may increase more and more. The adolescent may consider himself/herself as the cause of divorce. S/he creates the psychological problem with which s/he assumes that his/her parents quarreled because of his/her actions and, therefore, it is s/he who has caused this separation [13]. 4.6.1. What do they need?
This is the age group in which divorce is mistakenly thought to have the least impact on children. Whereas, at this age, the child who already carries the burden of puberty/adolescence with him/her becomes faced with an additional stress factor with the divorce of his/her parents. Their initial reactions are generally centered on starting to behave more distant towards their parents, spending most of their time with their friends rather than their parents and feeling, in their environment, ashamed of this incident experienced within the family [12]. Female children usually give more sensitive reactions compared to male ones. The increasing interest towards the opposite sex due to the loss of confidence experienced against their parents and having a sexual experience at an early age as the result of confiding in a protective male companion are the possible consequences to occur in this respect. Male children, on the other hand, show more aggressive reactions [12]. The negative behaviours exhibited by the children at this age are failure at school, telling lies, stealing, sexual perversion, etc.. Moreover, starting from this period, the child begins to encounter various problems that cannot be resolved only by his/her parent and him/herself, against which s/he may be carried away with the sense of insufficiency [3]. The most important outcome to be expected and be careful about is their ending up in a youth detention center due to their tendency to commit crimes at an early age. Further problems in both of the genders, such as becoming drug addicts and giving harm to themselves should also be taken into account [12]. As is seen, it is almost impossible to find out in families with children the ideal age of the child during the period of divorce. The separation of parents will bring with it the problems considered to be rather intense for any child at any age group, since the dream about a “holy and healthy family’’ remains the same for any child, from infancy to adolescence [12]. 4.7. The grown-up children (what would i like to do?)
4.7.1. What do they need?
Table 1.The Reactions Shown by Children Against the Loss of the Beloved Parent After Divorce Parents should try to learn how to approach their children. Even though they decide to get a support from a mental health specialist, the child who particularly fails to accept the separation of his/her mother and father or rejects it may, of course, refuse to get such a support. In order to enable their child to adapt him/herself to the divorce process, parents should be able to do the following:
Advertisement 5. The nursing approach to the children of divorced familiesChildren may require a professional health team in order to minimize their negative emotions and misunderstandings and to get help in trying to cope with the problems experienced in the wake of the divorce. The psychiatric nurses within this team have a major position due to the fact that they can directly reach children and know the dynamics within the family and are aware of the way the child is influenced [15]. The main purpose of the nurses working in this field is to determine the high-risk groups within the society and improve their ability to cope with problems and aid them to manage the state of crisis they encounter. In this context, they deal with the problems experienced by the children of the divorced parents by using the nursing process [15]. The first stage of this approach is the one known for the term “determining the situation’’-the stage where the data that could form the basis to the care of the individual are collected. The second stage comprises the analysis of the collected data and the determination of the nursing diagnosis through the interpretation of the data, while the third stage consists of the plan of attempts/interventions prepared for the problems of the patient and based on the knowledge and ability of the nurse to make a decision. The fourth stage, on the other hand, is the stage at which this plan is put into effect. The final stage is the one at which there are reviews as to whether the attempts have resolved the individual’s problems or not and an evaluation is performed with respect to it [15]. The problems experienced by the children of the divorced families were formulated by using the nursing diagnoses determined by NANDA (North America Nursing Diagnosis Association), and the nursing attempts in accordance with these diagnoses have been explained [15]. The problems experienced by the children of the divorced parents can be dealt with the following nursing diagnoses:
Advertisement 6. Situational low self-esteemSelf-esteem is one of the four elements of the self-concept and is the sum of an individual’s skills, the value attributed to himself/herself and to others by him/her, the skill to be able to overcome hardships, and the feelings and thoughts s/he has in regard to respect for others. The development of a healthy self-esteem in children is dependent on their closeness/ affinity to the most significant figures in their lives, who are their parents. The children of divorced families have witnessed the separation of the two most important people in their lives and have been emotionally affected by it through experiencing the feeling to lose them. For this reason, such can be the case in a child who once had a positive self-esteem but experienced negative emotions as the result of their parents’ divorce [16]. The objectives and the general nursing attempts to be performed for the diagnosis dealt with as the situational low self-esteem are as follows: Objectives
Nursing Attempts
Advertisement 7. Change in interparental processesDivorce causes a number of changes within the present family structure and functioning and also brings about the separation of the family members, leading to the formation of a single-parent family. The changes taking place in the life of the child along with his/her parents’ divorce (Moving to another house, a new school, living in two different homes, spending less time with the parent, etc.) are the situations that are difficult to accept. All these transformations also cause a change in the interparental processes [17]. The objectives and the general nursing attempts to be performed for this diagnosis are as follows: Objectives
Nursing Attempts
Advertisement 8. Insufficiency in individual copingWith the divorce, the children experience the feeling of losing both their mother and father. The fact that one of the parents leave home during this period and the changes in the new school environment, new friends and the house order make it difficult for the child to adapt himself/herself to these changes and they negatively affect their skill to cope with such issues [16]. In such a period of time, the objectives and the general nursing attempts to be performed for supporting the child in coping with the problems can be as follows: Objectives
Nursing Attempts
Advertisement 9. Failure in social relationshipsDivorce and the changes it brings along affect the social relationships in a negative way as well as the the child’s interaction within the family circle [16]. The objectives and the general nursing attempts to be performed for this diagnosis are as follows: Objectives
Nursing Attempts
As a result, the nurses help the children of the divorced families cope with the crisis they experience in their lifetime by dealing with the problems the children undergo through the nursing process; thus, they can also assist the future generations to grow up as healthier and more conformable individuals that have acquired skills in coping with the problems of life [15]. References
Written By Şenay Çetinkaya and Emine Erçin Submitted: April 24th, 2014 Published: February 4th, 2015 © 2015 The Author(s). Licensee IntechOpen. This chapter is distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License, which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original work is properly cited. Which child is likely to have the hardest time adjusting to his parents divorce?Elementary school age (6–12) This is arguably the toughest age for children to deal with the separation or divorce of their parents. That's because they're old enough to remember the good times (or good feelings) from when you were a united family.
What factors influence an individual child's vulnerability to suffering negative consequences from living in a divorced family?Children from high conflict families oftentimes benefit the most from the divorce of their parents as it represents an opportunity for a better life. Many internal factors such as age, gender, temperament and physical characteristics influence children's resilience to the negative effects of divorce.
Who will cope better with their parents divorce?Who will cope better with their parents' divorce? Children with easy temperaments rather than those with difficult temperaments.
How can kids reduce the impact of divorce?Minimizing the Negative Impact of Divorce on Children. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent. ... . Avoid Saying too much. ... . Do not make the child choose a parent or take sides. ... . Take it slow when introducing a new partner. ... . Take care of yourself, too. ... . Learn More.. |